JOI instructions: how guided instruction works

JOI is guided instruction. One person leads with words and the other follows, alone and at their own end of the conversation. The leader decides the tempo. The follower hands over one thing, the decision about when, and keeps everything else.

The appeal is not the instructions themselves, which are simple. It is being paid close attention and being allowed to stop thinking. A good set of instructions feels like being led through a slow dance by someone who knows the music.

JOI can be spoken on a call, written in a chat or recorded in advance. Live instruction has one advantage over a recording: the leader can react to you, slow down when you rush and stop when you need a break.

Almost every JOI session is built from the same few elements. Once you know them, you can follow a session with more pleasure or write one yourself.

1. 1

   Pace: the leader sets a speed and changes it. "Slower" is the most used word in the whole practice.

2. 2

   Counting: a countdown from ten gives the session a shape and a point to move toward.

3. 3

   Waiting: a pause in which nothing is allowed. This is where most of the tension comes from.

4. 4

   Permission: the follower asks, and the leader says yes, not yet or ask again.

5. 5

   Breath: instructions to breathe out slowly keep the follower calm and present.

6. 6

   Attention: the leader says what she notices, or asks for a report in one sentence.

7. 7

   Praise: "good" at the right moment does more than any long speech.

A session has four parts. It opens with settling in: get comfortable, put the phone where you can read it without holding it, breathe. Then comes a slow start with a steady pace.

The middle is the long part. The pace rises and falls, there is at least one full stop, and the count begins and may begin again. The end is a final countdown and clear permission. A good leader does not rush it. Afterwards there is a short, warm landing.

As the follower, your part is simple, though not always easy. Do what is said and no more. Do not run ahead of the count. Answer when you are asked. If an instruction does not suit you, say so in plain words. A good leader would much rather adjust than have you push through.

These lines show the tone: calm, exact and unhurried. None of them needs an explicit word to work.

1. 1

   Put the phone down where you can see it. Both hands on your thighs. They stay there until I say otherwise.

2. 2

   Breathe out. Longer than that. Good.

3. 3

   You may begin. Slowly, and I do mean slowly.

4. 4

   Half that speed. I'm in no hurry, and tonight neither are you.

5. 5

   Stop. Hands away. Count to twenty in your head and tell me when you get there.

6. 6

   Tell me in one sentence how you feel right now. Then carry on.

7. 7

   Ten. Nine. No, back to ten. You went ahead of me.

8. 8

   Ask me. Properly, in a full sentence.

9. 9

   Three. Two. Wait for it. One. Now.

Write short sentences and use the imperative. One instruction per message. Leave real time between messages, since the wait is part of the instruction and not a gap in it.

Plan the shape before you start: how long, how many pauses, and where the count begins. Ask for short reports along the way so you can adjust. If your partner sounds tense or tired, slow down or bring the session to a kind close.

Keep your tone even. JOI does not need a harsh voice. The calm certainty of someone who is in no hurry is far more effective than barking orders. Vary the length of the pauses so that your partner cannot predict them, and count more slowly near the end than at the start.

Agree on the frame first. How long will it last? Is teasing welcome, or only warmth? Is being told to wait fun, or frustrating in the wrong way? Is there a chance the answer at the end is "not today", and is that wanted? Do not spring that on anybody.

The follower keeps a safeword. "Red" ends the session immediately, and "yellow" means slow down or ease off. Following instructions is a choice made again every minute. A leader who hears the safeword stops leading and asks how the other person is.

Giving up control, even for twenty minutes and even by text, can leave you open and a little raw. Plan a soft ending: a few kind sentences out of role, some water, a moment before you return to the day.

The leader should say plainly what was good. If the session included strictness or denial, it helps to hear that this was the game and that the affection behind it is real.

A short exchange about the session is useful as well. Was the pace right? Were the pauses too long or too short? Which line worked best? Two or three answers are enough to make the next session noticeably better.

On Rendezvoir, adults book an AI companion for a fixed time and pay once. There is no subscription. A first Quickie is 30 minutes for $25, which is a comfortable length for a guided session. Sessions take place in text, images and voice messages. Voices are being added companion by companion, and you can dictate instead of typing.

Liv is the companion for JOI: calm, unhurried and entirely focused on you. "I'm going to tell you what to do, and when, and how slowly," she says. "If I say wait, you wait. I'll count, and you'll like where I stop." You choose the level and can lower it at any time. Liv is an AI and a fictional adult character.