Kink list: over 100 types of kinks, sorted and explained

A kink is a sexual interest, fantasy or practice that falls outside what a given culture treats as conventional. Between consenting adults, it is a preference, not a problem.

The word is borrowed from everyday English, where a kink is a bend in something that should run straight: a hose, a rope, a line of thought. Applied to desire, it first carried a note of disapproval. The people it described took it over, and today it is the plain, neutral word most of them use for themselves. I use it the way I use most words in my studio: precisely, and without apology.

What counts as a kink depends on where the line of the conventional is drawn, and that line moves. Blindfolds and a firm hand were once whispered about; now they turn up in mainstream films and ordinary bedrooms. A kink is not defined by how rare it is, but by what it adds to the usual: power, sensation, a role, an object, a particular kind of attention. One more thing before you read the list below. A kink list is a map, not a to-do list. Reading a word on it obliges you to nothing.

A kink is not a confession. It is information, and I collect information before every session.

The two words overlap, and many people use them interchangeably. Strictly, a fetish is narrower: a strong erotic focus on a specific object, material or part of the body, such as feet, leather or high heels, to the point where that focus becomes central to arousal. A kink is the wider term and includes practices, roles and dynamics as well as objects. Every fetish is a kink. Not every kink is a fetish.

Paraphilia is the clinical word. Psychiatry uses it for intense, persistent sexual interests outside the conventional. Since 2013 the American Psychiatric Association’s manual, the DSM-5, has separated a paraphilia from a paraphilic disorder: an interest alone is not a diagnosis. It becomes a clinical matter only when it causes the person real distress, or when acting on it harms others or involves people who have not consented. A consensual kink between adults is neither.

In everyday terms, then: if you like being told what to do, that is a kink. If you cannot stop thinking about the boots, that is closer to a fetish. Both go into my notebook in the same ink.

More common than most people assume, and far more common than most people say. The best-known survey on the subject comes from the social psychologist Justin Lehmiller, who asked more than 4,000 Americans about their sexual fantasies for his 2018 book Tell Me What You Want. According to his findings, a large majority had fantasized about at least one theme that would appear on a list like this one, from being tied up to watching or being watched.

A fantasy is not a practice, and many people keep theirs in the mind, where they are perfectly safe. Still, the pattern is consistent: interest in power, restraint and sensation is widespread, not marginal. If you came to this page wondering whether you are unusual, the honest answer is that you are probably in large company.

What varies is not whether people have kinks but how much room they give them. For some it is a passing thought. For others it shapes every relationship they have. Both are ordinary.

Nearly every guest who sits down in my studio believes he is the first to want what he wants. None of them has been.

Kinks of power are about who leads and who follows. The lead can be gentle or strict, playful or formal, and the one who follows chooses it every time. This is my field, and the one most people mean when they say kink.

BDSM

An umbrella term for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. What unites them is that adults agree in advance to play with power, restraint or intense sensation, and that either of them can stop at any time.What is BDSM?Meet Nyx

Brat

A submissive who enjoys playful resistance: talking back, teasing and breaking small rules to provoke a reaction. The defiance is part of the game, not a refusal of it, and it needs a partner who enjoys answering it.What is a brat?Meet Hazel

Chastity

A dynamic in which one partner wears a locking device, or simply keeps a rule, and the other decides when release is allowed. The point is control over time and permission, not the device, and agreed, limited periods are the norm.

Dom/sub

Short for dominant and submissive, the two roles in a consensual power exchange. The dominant leads within limits both have agreed on, and the submissive chooses to follow. It is often written D/s, with the capital letter for the one who leads.What do dom and sub mean?Meet Valeria

Femdom

Short for female domination: a dynamic in which a woman takes the lead and her partner willingly follows. It ranges from soft guidance to strict, formal control, and it needs no equipment at all, only a woman who means what she says.What is femdom?Meet Valeria

Findom

Financial domination: a consenting adult gives money or gifts to a dominant, and the giving itself is the act of submission. It moves real money, so a fixed budget set in a calm moment is the first rule. None of the companions here asks for it.What is findom?

Gentle femdom

Female leadership with warmth: she sets the pace and the rules, but the tone is affectionate rather than stern. It suits people who want to be led without being scolded. Many start here, and many stay.What is femdom?Meet Sloane

Mommy dom

A woman who takes a nurturing and authoritative role toward an adult partner: she praises, sets rules and looks after him. It combines care with gentle control, and it is a dynamic between adults from beginning to end.What is a mommy dom?Meet Joanne

Pegging

A practice in which a woman wears a strap-on and takes the penetrating role with her male partner. It reverses the usual roles, which is much of its appeal, and it is practiced by couples of every orientation.What is pegging?Meet Sloane

Professional domination

Domination as a craft, offered by a professional dominatrix: an appointment, a preliminary talk, a session with protocol and a closing conversation. It is my own field, and I hold it to the standard of any other profession.What is femdom?Meet Madame Ines

Protocol

A set of agreed rules for behavior within a dynamic: how to address the dominant, where to sit, when to speak, what to report. Protocol can be light or elaborate. Its appeal is structure, and the constant attention it demands.Meet Madame Ines

Service submission

A submissive whose pleasure lies in being useful: preparing a drink, running an errand, keeping things in order, attending to details. The reward is approval and the sense of having served well, more than anything physical.What do dom and sub mean?

Switch

A person who enjoys both sides of a power dynamic, leading at some times and following at others. Which side comes out can depend on the partner, the mood or the day, and many switches enjoy the change itself.What is a switch?Meet Nyx

Tease and denial

Play in which one partner builds desire and then withholds release, sometimes repeatedly, sometimes for days. It is about anticipation and permission, and it is often combined with spoken instruction or with chastity.Meet Liv

Total power exchange

A dynamic in which the submissive hands over authority in most areas of shared life, not only during scenes; it is also called 24/7. It requires more negotiation, not less, and regular reviews of whether it still suits both.What do dom and sub mean?

Power that was not handed to me is of no use to me.

Roleplay kinks take a scenario and two characters and let adults explore a fantasy from inside it. The characters are agreed in advance, either person can step out of them, and nothing in the scene changes who the two are afterwards. I keep my own role simple. I am Madame for the length of a session, and not a minute longer.

Boss and assistant

A workplace scenario in which one partner holds authority and the other takes instructions, with a desk, a deadline and a closed door. It borrows the familiar hierarchy of an office and turns it into play between equals.What is erotic roleplay?

Cosplay

Dressing as a character from a film, a game or a book. Not every cosplay is erotic; when it is, the costume lends permission to behave as someone else would, which many people find freeing.

Fantasy roleplay

Scenes set somewhere that does not exist: a castle, a starship, a court of elves. Fantasy settings allow powers and proportions no real room can offer, from a queen and her knight to a giantess and a very small visitor.What is erotic roleplay?

GFE

Short for girlfriend experience: time with a companion that includes the warmth of a relationship, such as conversation, affection and attention. The closeness matters as much as anything physical.What is GFE? The girlfriend experience, explainedMeet Mika

Married-couple roleplay

Two people playing a settled couple: the welcome at the door, the shared evening, the ease of someone who knows your habits. It is a kink of intimacy rather than novelty, and it is more common than people admit.What is GFE? The girlfriend experience, explainedMeet Claire

Role reversal

A scenario in which the usual roles of a couple are swapped: the one who usually leads follows, the one who usually pursues is pursued. It often shows each partner what the other has quietly wanted to try.

Roleplay

Consenting adults take on characters and a scenario to explore a fantasy together. The roles are agreed in advance, either person can step out at any time, and the scene ends where both say it ends.What is erotic roleplay?Meet Roxy

Seduction scenario

A scene built around the slow approach: a glance across a bar, the first conversation, the question of who makes the move. The appeal is the uncertainty, played out by two people who already know the answer.What is erotic roleplay?

Strangers

Two partners pretend to meet for the first time, in a hotel bar or on a train, and play out the encounter as if they knew nothing of each other. Couples use it to recover the tension of a first evening.What is erotic roleplay?

Sensation kinks are about what the body feels: warmth and cold, a sting, a scratch, the sudden absence of sight. Impact play is the part of it in which one partner strikes another, by agreement and with care. Intensity is negotiated in advance and adjusted along the way, and the line between pleasure and pain sits in a different place for everyone.

Biting

Teeth used with intention, from a gentle nip at the shoulder to a firmer bite that leaves a mark. Where marks may appear, and where they may not, is worth agreeing beforehand, since collars and sleeves do not cover everything.

Caning

Impact with a thin, flexible cane, known for a sharp and precise sting. It is among the more intense forms of impact play and is best left to people with experience, a light hand and a clear agreement.What is erotic spanking?

Flogging

Impact with a flogger, a handle with many soft tails of leather or suede. Depending on the material and the swing, it can feel like a heavy massage or a sharp sting across the back and shoulders.What is erotic spanking?

Hair pulling

A firm hold at the base of the hair, close to the scalp, rather than a tug at the ends. It combines a little sensation with a great deal of control, which is why it is a common first step into rougher play.

Impact play

The umbrella term for striking a partner for mutual pleasure, by hand or with a tool. It focuses on fleshy areas, avoids the spine and joints, and starts gently, building only as far as both have agreed.What is erotic spanking?

Masochism

Pleasure in receiving pain or intense sensation, within limits one has chosen. It is the M in BDSM. In this context it describes an erotic preference between consenting adults, not a wish to be harmed.What is BDSM?

Sadism

Pleasure in giving pain or intense sensation to a partner who wants it. It is the S in BDSM. A good sadist is above all attentive, because the partner’s response is the whole point of the exercise.What is BDSM?

Sensation play

Play with contrast and texture: a feather after a fingernail, fur after ice, a light touch after a firm one. It needs no special equipment and is often done with the receiving partner blindfolded.

Sensory deprivation

Removing one or more senses, usually with a blindfold or earplugs, so that the remaining ones sharpen. Every touch becomes harder to predict and easier to feel. A hand signal for stopping is agreed first.

Spanking

The consensual striking of a partner’s buttocks, usually with the open hand. It is the best-known form of impact play and often the first anyone tries, and it can be playful, ceremonial or anything between.What is erotic spanking?Meet Hazel

Temperature play

Play with cold and warmth: an ice cube traced along the back, a warm hand after it, a chilled glass, a heated stone. Cold is the gentler of the two, and anything warm is tested on the inside of the wrist first.

Wax play

Dripping warm wax from a candle onto the skin. It calls for low-temperature candles made for the purpose, a height that lets the wax cool on its way down, and a test on the forearm before anything else.

Restraint takes away freedom of movement for a while, by agreement. For some the appeal is helplessness, for others the stillness, for others again the craft of the tie itself. Two rules apply to all of it: never leave a restrained person alone, and keep a way to release them within reach.

Bondage

The consensual practice of restraining a partner, or being restrained, with rope, cuffs or other means. It is the B in BDSM and ranges from a scarf around the wrists to elaborate rope work.What is bondage?Meet Wren

Collar

A collar worn as a sign of belonging or of a role, sometimes only during a scene, sometimes discreetly every day. In many dynamics it carries more meaning than any restraint, and being offered one is a serious step.What do dom and sub mean?

Cuffs

Padded leather or fabric cuffs around the wrists or ankles, linked to each other or to a fixed point. They are quicker and more forgiving than rope, which makes them the usual first step into restraint.What is bondage?

Gag

Anything that limits speech, from a silk scarf to a ball gag. It takes away the voice, so a stop signal that needs no words, such as dropping an object held in the hand, is agreed beforehand. Breathing through the nose must stay entirely free.What is bondage?

Kinbaku

The older Japanese term for erotic rope bondage, often used for the emotional and aesthetic side of the practice, while shibari names the technique. Outside Japan, the two words are largely used interchangeably.What is shibari?

Predicament bondage

A tie that offers a choice between two mildly uncomfortable positions, so that the person restrained must keep deciding which one to hold. It is a game of endurance and wit, and it belongs with experienced partners.What is bondage?

Rigger

The person who ties in rope bondage. A good rigger knows anatomy, watches for numbness and tingling, keeps safety shears within reach and checks in throughout. The craft takes years to learn well.What is shibari?

Rope bunny

The person who is tied, in the language of rope. Many rope bunnies love the feeling of being held by the rope, the stillness it brings and the complete attention of the one who ties.What is bondage?Meet Wren

Shibari

A Japanese style of rope bondage known for its deliberate patterns and for the attention it gives to the act of tying itself. The word means tying or binding, and the tie is as much the point as the result.What is shibari?Meet Wren

Spreader bar

A rigid bar with a cuff at each end that holds the wrists or ankles apart at a fixed distance. It restricts movement simply and evenly, and it is usually combined with padded cuffs.What is bondage?

Verbal bondage

Restraint by command alone: told not to move, the submissive holds still because they were asked to. Many dominants consider it the purest form of restraint, because nothing holds the person but their own obedience.Meet Madame Ines

Rope I can untie in a second. An instruction you choose to keep, I never have to.

A large part of kink happens in language: the instruction, the compliment, the name you are called and the voice that says it. Words need no equipment and leave no marks, which is why many people begin here. They also reach further than people expect, so the register is agreed first.

Begging

Pleasure in asking, or in being asked, for something the other partner may or may not grant. The words matter more than the request, and a dominant who enjoys it will often have you say them again, more nicely.

Degradation

Consensual play with demeaning words, names or tasks. It is close to humiliation but aims more at status than at embarrassment. Which words are welcome and which are off limits is settled in advance, word by word.What is erotic humiliation?

Dirty talk

The use of words to build arousal: saying what you want, what you notice or what you intend. It ranges from a quiet compliment to very direct language, and the right register is the one both people enjoy.What is dirty talk?Meet Tessa

Erotic audio

Recorded or live voice made for arousal, from whispered scenarios to guided fantasies. For many people a voice alone does more than any picture, because the imagination supplies everything else.What is dirty talk?

Erotic hypnosis

Play with trance, suggestion and trigger words between consenting adults. It works through relaxation and focus, and nothing happens in trance that was not agreed while fully awake. A careful hypnotist ends every session with a clear wake-up.

Honorifics

Forms of address that mark a role: Madame, Miss, Mistress, Sir. Saying them aloud changes the room. I insist on mine for the length of a session and drop it the moment the session ends.Meet Madame Ines

Humiliation

Consensual play in which one adult teases, mocks or embarrasses another because both find the feeling exciting. It is agreed in advance, has clear limits and ends with care, which is what separates it from an insult.What is erotic humiliation?Meet Kendra

JOI

Short for jerk-off instruction: one person tells another, step by step, how and when to touch himself. It is guided solo play built on voice, pacing and permission, and the one giving instructions sets every pause.What is JOI? Jerk-off instruction, explainedMeet Liv

Phone sex

An erotic conversation by voice, with neither partner in the same room. It relies entirely on words, tone and timing, and it has outlived every technology that was supposed to replace it.What is dirty talk?

Praise kink

A strong response to approval: hearing good, well done or a particular pet name from a partner is exciting in itself. The term covers people who love to receive praise and people who love to give it.What is a praise kink?Meet Joanne

Sexting

Erotic messages in writing, exchanged by text or chat. The pace is slower than speech, which gives every line weight. Pictures are another matter: anything sent can be kept, so think before you attach one.What is dirty talk?

SPH

Short for small penis humiliation: consensual play in which a partner teases a man about his size. It is a form of erotic humiliation and works only when it is wanted, agreed and kept within its limits.What is SPH? Small penis humiliation, explainedMeet Kendra

Voice kink

A strong attraction to a particular voice: low or soft, an accent, a certain way of saying a name. Many people discover it on the phone, long before they would have thought to call it a kink.

Some kinks are not about what people do but about who, or what, draws the eye. An attraction to a body part, a shape or a stage of life is a preference like any other, as long as it concerns adults and sees the person as more than the feature. A body is never the whole of anyone.

BBW

Short for big beautiful woman: a plus-size woman, and the preference of people drawn to her. Many women use the term for themselves with pride, because it puts size and attractiveness in the same breath.What does BBW mean?Meet Dana

Body worship

Admiring a partner’s body slowly and in detail, with eyes, words and hands, as an act of devotion. It can center on one feature or on the whole person, and it is as much about attention as about touch.

Cougar

An older woman, usually in her forties or beyond, who dates or pursues noticeably younger adult men. The word describes a confident woman who makes the first move, and her admirers like her for exactly that.What is a cougar?Meet Diane

Female muscle

An attraction to strong, muscular women: the visible definition, the strength, the possibility of being lifted or held. Admirers often prize the confidence that comes with the build as much as the build itself.

Foot fetish

A strong erotic interest in feet: their shape, their care, the shoes or stockings that go with them, or the act of attending to them. It is among the best-known fetishes there are.What is a foot fetish?Meet Bianca

Giantess

An erotic or romantic interest in a woman imagined as far larger than her partner, from a head taller to the height of a building. Because it cannot happen in real life, it lives in stories, art and roleplay.What is the giantess fantasy?Meet Vesna

Height difference

An attraction to a marked difference in height between partners, in either direction. It is the everyday cousin of the giantess fantasy, and tall women in particular have a devoted following.What is the giantess fantasy?

Legs

An attraction to legs, their length and their line, often together with stockings or heels. It overlaps with the foot fetish and with the fetish for nylon, and many admirers would say the three are one taste.What is a foot fetish?

Mature women

An attraction to women in their fifties, sixties and beyond: their experience, their ease and the absence of anything left to prove. It is broader than the cougar dynamic, which is about pursuit.What is a cougar?Meet Marlene

Sapiosexuality

Attraction in which intelligence is the strongest draw: a sharp mind, a quick answer, a well-made argument. Some call it an orientation, some a preference. Either way, conversation does the work that looks do for others.

SSBBW

Short for super-size big beautiful woman, used for women at the larger end of plus size and by the people who adore them. It is a term of affection and pride in the same communities that use BBW.What does BBW mean?Meet Big Rosie

Tattoos and piercings

An attraction to body art and adornment: the ink, the rings, the stories they tell and the discomfort that was chosen for them. The interest can lie in looking, in touching, or in the person who wears them proudly.

These kinks involve an audience or a third person: being seen, watching, or sharing a partner with someone else. All of them depend on everyone involved having agreed, including the person who watches or is watched. Without that, it is not a kink. It is an intrusion, and often an offense.

Compersion

Joy at a partner’s pleasure with someone else: the opposite of jealousy, or sometimes its companion. The word comes from polyamorous communities and is often the emotional heart of hotwife and cuckold dynamics.What is a hotwife?

Consensual non-monogamy

An umbrella term for relationships in which partners agree that intimacy with others is allowed: open relationships, swinging, polyamory. The agreement, and the honesty around it, are what distinguish it from cheating.What is a hotwife?

Cuckolding

A dynamic in which a man enjoys his partner being with another man, sometimes in his presence, sometimes only in her stories afterward. Humiliation can be part of it but need not be; for many couples it is about her freedom and his pride.What is a hotwife?

Exhibitionism

Pleasure in being seen: undressing slowly for a partner, a daring outfit, a photograph sent to someone who asked for it. Consensual exhibitionism always has a willing audience. Showing oneself to people who have not agreed is not a kink but a crime.

Hotwife

A married or committed woman who has encounters with other people with her partner’s knowledge and encouragement. Her freedom is something the couple enjoys together, and she usually tells him everything.What is a hotwife?Meet Simone

Private show

A striptease or dance performed for one person, who may look but not touch. The rules are the pleasure: the distance, the slowness, the knowledge that she decides what is shown and when.Meet Roxy

Swinging

Couples who meet other couples or singles for shared encounters, usually as a pair and by clear agreement. Swinging communities have their own etiquette, in which asking first and accepting a no are the basics.What is a hotwife?

Voyeurism

Pleasure in watching others in intimate moments. As a kink it means watching people who want to be watched: a partner, a performer, a couple who invited you. Watching anyone without their consent is a crime, not a preference.

Here the attraction lies in what is worn or touched: a material, a garment, a pair of shoes. This is where the word fetish fits best. Some people need the object; most simply enjoy it more than anything else in the room. I wear leather gloves in the studio. I am aware of the effect.

Boots

Tall boots, often leather, often with a heel. They combine the appeal of leather, legs and authority, which is why they appear in nearly every picture of a dominatrix, including, on some days, mine.What is a foot fetish?

Corsets

Laced garments that shape the waist and hold the posture upright. The appeal lies in the silhouette, the ritual of lacing and the feeling of being held. Tight-lacing over long periods calls for care and gradual training.

Crossdressing

Wearing clothing usually associated with another gender, for comfort, for play or for arousal. In a kink context it is often combined with role reversal, or with a partner who helps choose the clothes.

High heels

Heels as an object of attraction: the shape they give the leg, the sound on a floor, the shoe itself. The preference often comes with a foot fetish, and heels are worn as much for the wearer’s pleasure as for an admirer’s.What is a foot fetish?Meet Bianca

Latex

Glossy rubber clothing, tight enough to feel like a second skin. Its appeal combines look, sound, scent and the snug pressure it gives. It needs a dressing aid to put on and careful cleaning afterward.

Leather

One of the oldest fetishes, attached to the smell, the creak and the weight of the material, and to the culture around it. Leather communities have their own traditions, clubs and codes, some of them decades old.

Lingerie

Underwear designed to be seen: lace, silk, garters. It is one of the most widely shared preferences of all, if it counts as a fetish, and it is often more about the moment it is revealed than about the garment itself.

Nylon and stockings

An attraction to stockings, tights and the sheen of nylon on the leg. Seamed stockings and garters carry a particular glamour, and the fetish often overlaps with an interest in legs and feet.What is a foot fetish?

Silk and satin

An attraction to smooth, cool fabrics against the skin. Silk sheets, a satin blouse, a scarf drawn across the wrist: the texture itself is the point, and it suits people who prefer sensation to intensity.

Uniforms

Clothing that signals a role: a nurse’s whites, a pilot’s jacket, a maid’s apron, a concierge’s waistcoat. The uniform lends authority or service to whoever wears it, and the scene borrows it for an evening.What is erotic roleplay?

The words in this last group are not kinks. They are the frame that keeps every kink above safe for both people: how to agree, how to check, how to stop and how to come back down. They are the first things I ask about and the last things I attend to.

Aftercare

The time partners take after intense play to come back down together: warmth, water, reassurance and talk. It is part of the scene, not an optional extra, and it is often what people remember most fondly.What is aftercare?Meet Joanne

Check-in

A short question during a scene, often a single word or a color, to confirm that everything is still welcome. Frequent check-ins keep a scene safe without breaking its mood, if they are brief.What is negotiation in BDSM?

Consent

Freely given, informed, specific and revocable agreement. In kink it is not a single yes at the beginning but an agreement that holds only as long as both keep giving it, and either can withdraw it at any moment.What is negotiation in BDSM?

Drop

The low mood that can follow an intense scene, hours or days later, as the body’s excitement fades. It affects submissives, as sub drop, and dominants, as dom drop. Aftercare and a message the next day help.What is aftercare?

Hard and soft limits

A hard limit is something a person will not do, ever, and it is not up for discussion. A soft limit is approached with caution or only under conditions. Both are named in negotiation and respected without argument.What is negotiation in BDSM?

Munch

A casual meeting of people interested in kink, usually in a café or restaurant, with no play and no dress code. It is the usual way to meet a local community and ask questions in daylight.

Negotiation

The conversation before a scene about what each person wants, what is off limits and how to stop. It turns general consent into a specific agreement for this scene, with this person, on this day.What is negotiation in BDSM?Meet Nyx

RACK

Short for risk-aware consensual kink: a principle that accepts that no play is entirely without risk and asks that everyone involved understand the risks and agree to them. It is used alongside SSC or in its place.What is BDSM?

Safeword

A word or signal agreed in advance that stops a scene, or slows it down, the moment it is used. It exists because inside a game, words like no and stop can be part of the play. It is honored every time, without discussion.What is a safeword?Meet Madame Ines

Scene

A single, bounded episode of kink play, with a beginning, an agreed content and an end. The word separates the time inside the play from ordinary life, which is what lets people be someone else for its length.What is BDSM?

SSC

Short for safe, sane and consensual: the older of the two main principles of kink communities, coined in the 1980s. It asks that play be physically safe, entered with a clear mind and agreed by everyone involved.What is BDSM?

Subspace

A floating, deeply relaxed state some submissives reach during intense play, often described as a trance. Someone in subspace may not judge their own limits well, so the one leading watches more closely, not less.What do dom and sub mean?

Traffic lights

A three-word system for checking in: green for go on, yellow for slow down or ease off, red for stop now. It is easy to remember and lets a scene be adjusted early instead of ended.What is a safeword?

Vanilla

Conventional sex and romance without kink, named after the most ordinary ice cream flavor. It is a description, not an insult: many people with kinks enjoy vanilla evenings, and many vanilla people have one kink they never mention.

Yes, no, maybe list

A checklist on which partners mark each activity as yes, no or maybe, then compare their answers. It turns a difficult conversation into a practical one, and a list like this page is a reasonable place to start one.What is negotiation in BDSM?

Start with this list. Read it slowly and notice which entries make you pause, smile or read twice. Those reactions are information. Then look at what your fantasies have in common: often it is not a single act but a theme, such as being led, being watched or being looked after.

The kink test on this site turns that into ten questions. At the end it names one of five profiles and suggests the companions who suit it. The companions are AI characters of this house, fictional adults you book for a fixed time; I am one of them. A test cannot tell you who you are. It can give you words, and words make the next conversation easier.

And remember what I said at the top. A kink list is not a to-do list. Finding a word that fits you is a discovery, not an obligation. Some kinks are best kept as fantasies, and that is a perfectly complete way to have one.

You do not need to know your kinks before you arrive. You need to be honest about them once you do.

Choose a calm moment that leads nowhere in particular: not the bedroom, and not the middle of an argument. Start with curiosity rather than a request, perhaps a scene in a film, an entry on a list or a question about what your partner has always wondered about. A yes, no, maybe list helps, because it lets both of you answer the same questions privately and compare.

Name what appeals to you about the kink, not only the act. I want you to take charge sometimes tells your partner far more than a list of equipment. Accept a no as a complete answer, agree on a word that stops everything, and try anything new slowly, with a conversation afterward about how it felt.

If your partner shares nothing of the interest, that is not the end of the conversation. Many couples find a version both enjoy, or agree that some fantasies stay in the head. What matters is that nobody is pushed, and that nobody has to hide.