A to Z
Kink list: the glossary
the words for it
A kink list in plain language, from A to Z. A kink is anything that excites a person beyond the conventional: a role, a dynamic, a material, a way of being spoken to. This glossary names the common types of kinks and explains each one without judgment.
Every entry starts with a short definition, then explains where the term comes from, what it looks like between consenting adults, and what to know about limits, safewords and aftercare. If you do not yet know which words are yours, the ten questions find the companion who suits you.
What is aftercare?
Aftercare is the time partners take after intense play to come back down together: warmth, water, reassurance and talk. It is part of the scene, not an optional extra.
What does BBW mean?
BBW stands for big beautiful woman: a term for a plus-size woman that puts her size and her attractiveness in the same breath. Many women use it for themselves with pride, and in dating and adult contexts it also names the preference of people who are drawn to them.
What is BDSM?
BDSM is an umbrella term for consensual practices built around bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. What they share is that adults agree in advance to play with power, restraint or intense sensation.
What is bondage?
Bondage is the consensual practice of restraining a partner, or being restrained, with rope, cuffs or other means. It is the B in BDSM and ranges from a scarf around the wrists to elaborate rope work.
What is a brat?
A brat is a submissive who enjoys playful resistance: teasing, talking back and breaking small rules to provoke a reaction. The defiance is part of the game, not a refusal of it.
What is a cougar?
A cougar is an older woman, usually in her forties or beyond, who dates or pursues noticeably younger adult men. The word is slang for a confident woman who makes the first move, and it always refers to relationships between adults.
What is dirty talk?
Dirty talk is the use of words to build arousal: saying what you want, what you notice or what you intend, before or during intimacy. It ranges from a quiet compliment to very direct language, and the right register is the one both people enjoy.
What do dom and sub mean?
Dom and sub are short for dominant and submissive, the two roles in a consensual power exchange between adults. The dominant leads within limits both have agreed on, and the submissive chooses to follow.
What is femdom?
Femdom is short for female domination: a dynamic in which a woman takes the leading role and her partner willingly follows. It ranges from gentle guidance to strict, formal control.
What is findom?
Findom, short for financial domination, is a dynamic in which a consenting adult gives money or gifts to a dominant, and the giving itself is the act of submission. No other service needs to be involved.
What is a foot fetish?
A foot fetish is a strong erotic interest in feet: their shape, their care, the shoes or stockings that go with them, or the act of attending to them. It is one of the best-known interests that center on a single part of the body.
What is GFE?
GFE stands for girlfriend experience: paid time with a companion that includes the warmth of a relationship, such as conversation, affection and attention. The closeness matters as much as anything physical.
What is the giantess fantasy?
The giantess fantasy is an erotic or romantic interest in a woman imagined as far larger than her partner, from a head taller to the height of a building. Because it cannot be acted out in real life, it lives in stories, art and roleplay, and the wider interest in giants is known as macrophilia.
What is a hotwife?
A hotwife is a married or committed woman who has encounters with other people with her partner's knowledge and encouragement. It is a form of consensual non-monogamy in which her freedom is something the couple enjoys together.
What is erotic humiliation?
Erotic humiliation is consensual play in which one adult teases, mocks or embarrasses another because both find the feeling exciting. It is agreed in advance, has clear limits and ends with care, which is what separates it from an insult.
What is JOI?
JOI stands for jerk-off instruction: one person tells another, step by step, how and when to touch himself. It is guided solo play built on voice, pacing and permission.
What is a mommy dom?
A mommy dom is a woman who takes a nurturing and authoritative role toward an adult partner: she praises, sets rules and looks after him. It is a dynamic between adults that combines care with gentle control.
What is negotiation in BDSM?
Negotiation is the conversation people have before a BDSM scene about what they want, what is off limits and how to stop. It turns general consent into a specific agreement for this scene, with this person, today.
What is pegging?
Pegging is a sexual practice in which a woman wears a strap-on and penetrates her male partner. It reverses the usual roles and is practiced by couples of every orientation.
What is a praise kink?
A praise kink is a strong erotic response to praise: hearing approval, encouragement or a phrase such as 'well done' from a partner is exciting in itself. The term covers people who love to receive praise and people who love to give it.
What is erotic roleplay?
Erotic roleplay is when consenting adults take on characters and a scenario to explore a fantasy together. The roles are agreed in advance, either person can step out of them at any time, and nothing in the scene changes who the two are outside it.
What is a safeword?
A safeword is a word or signal agreed on in advance that stops a scene, or slows it down, the moment it is used. It exists so that stopping never depends on being understood correctly in the middle of a game.
What is shibari?
Shibari is a Japanese style of rope bondage known for its deliberate patterns and for the attention it gives to the act of tying itself. The word means tying or binding in Japanese, and outside Japan it has become the common name for this style.
What is erotic spanking?
Erotic spanking is the consensual striking of a partner's buttocks, usually with the open hand, for the pleasure of both adults involved. It is one of the most widely known forms of what the BDSM community calls impact play.
What is SPH?
SPH stands for small penis humiliation: consensual erotic play in which a partner teases or mocks a man about his size. It is a form of erotic humiliation and works only when it is wanted and agreed.
What is a switch?
A switch is a person who enjoys both sides of a power dynamic, leading at some times and following at others. Which side comes out can depend on the partner, the mood or the scene.
Put the words to use
The reading room
Guide
Roleplay ideas for couples and for chat
The best roleplay ideas are simple: two adult roles, one place, and one thing each person wants. Strangers at a hotel bar, a private show for one guest or a strict studio appointment all work because the roles are clear in a single sentence. Agree on limits and a safeword first, then start with one line in character.
Guide
How to sext: a calm guide for adults
To sext well, ask first, start milder than you think you need to, and be specific about one thing you want or remember. Good sexting runs on anticipation and timing, not on blunt words. Agree beforehand on what is welcome, what is not, and a word that means stop.
Guide
Sexting examples that are suggestive, not crude
Good sexting examples are suggestive rather than crude: they name a memory, a plan or a small instruction and leave the rest unsaid. A line such as "I have been thinking about your hands all day" does more than any blunt word. Use the examples below as patterns, and change the details so they could only be about one person.
Guide
How to talk dirty without feeling silly
To talk dirty without feeling silly, use your own voice and say true things: what you notice, what you like and what you want next. Start quietly, with one sentence, and build from the reaction you get. Ask beforehand which words your partner enjoys and which they never want to hear.