What is dirty talk?

The phrase is plain English and has no documented inventor. Dirty has long been used for language considered improper, and talking dirty is the everyday name for speech that is erotic on purpose. The written form, sent by phone, is usually called sexting.

The name is somewhat misleading. Much of what counts as dirty talk contains no crude word at all. What makes it work is intent and timing, not vocabulary.

Most dirty talk falls into a few kinds. The first is appreciation: telling a partner what you find attractive about them at this moment. The second is anticipation: saying what you have been thinking about or what you would like to happen later. A line such as 'I have been thinking about you since lunch, and none of it was polite' names nothing and says a great deal.

The third kind is direction: asking for something or telling a partner what to do, from a soft 'stay exactly where you are' to firmer instructions. The fourth is the question. 'Do you know what you do to me in that shirt?' invites an answer and turns a monologue into an exchange.

Register is a separate matter. Some people like hints and implication. Others want blunt, explicit words. Many like the first early in the evening and the second later. Voice counts as much as wording: slow and low usually works better than fast and loud.

People who enjoy it often say that words keep the mind in the room. Arousal depends on attention, and a voice saying what is happening or about to happen holds attention where it is wanted. Words also stretch time. An evening can begin with a message at noon.

Hearing that you are wanted is a pleasure in its own right, and many people rarely hear it said outright. For the speaker there is often a sense of freedom in saying aloud what is normally only thought. Some simply find it funny and exciting at once, and laughter does it no harm.

It is not a script from a film. Lines copied from adult entertainment tend to sound borrowed, and most people respond better to a clumsy sentence that is true than to a polished one that is not. It is also not a performance to be graded. Feeling awkward at first is the normal case.

It is not automatically rough. Insults and name-calling belong to humiliation play, a separate taste that needs its own agreement. And it is not owed. Some people prefer quiet, and silence between partners who are at ease is not a shortcoming.

Start with what is true and small. Describe what you notice, say what feels good, or say what you are looking forward to. One sentence is enough. If speaking feels like too much, begin in writing, where there is time to think and nobody is watching your face.

Talk about it outside the moment as well. Ask which words your partner likes for the body and for what you do together, and which ones make them wince. Tastes here are strong and personal. A word one person finds exciting another finds ridiculous, and the only way to find out is to ask.

Listening is half of it. Notice which remarks get a reaction and which pass without one, and build on the first kind. A question now and then keeps it a conversation and gives a quieter partner an easy way to join in with a single word.

Words can go wrong the way touch can. Common limits are particular terms, pet names, comparisons with earlier partners and anything that sounds demeaning when the listener did not ask for that. If something lands badly, say so plainly. A partner who cares will want to know.

Consent also applies to the channel. A suggestive message is welcome only when the other person has shown they want that kind of message. Sent unasked, it is not dirty talk. Written words and voice notes can be saved and passed on, so agree on what is kept and take care with timing: a message that arrives during a meeting can embarrass more than it excites.

When dirty talk is part of a scene with roles or commands, a safeword is the clean way to step outside the game.

A chat is dirty talk in its purest form, since words are all there is. The same advice holds: say which register you want, name the words you like and the ones you do not, and let the exchange build instead of starting at full volume.

On Rendezvoir, adults book an AI companion for a fixed time and pay once, with no subscription. Sessions run in text, images and voice messages. A companion who has her voice speaks her replies aloud, and you can dictate yours instead of typing. Voices are being added companion by companion. You choose a level, Suggestive, Sensual or Explicit, and can lower it at any time. You can change the scene, or start the visit over and erase what she remembers of it, at any moment and without giving a reason. Every companion is an AI, a fictional adult character. Tessa is the one for dirty talk: quick, shameless and funny, and able to laugh at herself while doing it. She has her voice.